summer wrap-up.

It's been a couple months since my last post, and now here I sit, enjoying my last day before I head back to my beautiful IWU to begin my sophomore year. And surprisingly, I'm experiencing some mixed emotions about it.

While it sometimes seemed like this day would never arrive, it boggles my mind to think just how quickly this summer has passed. Last summer seemed to drag on forever...it seemed like college would never arrive, and then the year flew by much more quickly than I ever expected. My older friends have told me that time passes much faster the older you get, and I'm beginning to see the truth in that. Honestly, it's a little scary to think about, because it leads me to believe that before I'm really ready, it will be time to leave IWU, put what I've learned into practice, and be fully independent. Good thing I'm only a sophomore, because I'm surely not ready for that yet.

Thinking back over my freshman year, I'm not sure I took full advantage of all the opportunities that were presented to me--social, academic and otherwise. I wish I would have signed up to be a mentor, help with NSO, something to push me outside my shell. I kept to myself a lot, never really interacting with the other Shatford girls. As a result, I felt like no one outside of my unit really knew me. I had friends in other dorms, and toward the end of the year my social skills definitely improved, but looking back, I would have stepped outside myself more and let people get to know me. That's the first thing on my list to change for this year.

This has been a summer of change for me (and I don't just mean my perm and new ear piercings.) I feel like my HEART has changed. I spent much too much of this summer focused on my job--I worked 8 hours a day, 5 days a week so I didn't have much of a choice. But by the end of my run, I was so physically and mentally exhausted that it was difficult to drag myself out of bed each morning. I felt like my priorities were entirely off. Most days, it didn't even feel like God was on my list of things to be concerned with, and that concerned me. More than that, I was spending my entire summer doing something that I didn't really enjoy. Yes, the money was a plus, but I felt like I could have been doing something more...something I enjoyed. After coming to this realization, I am seriously considering whether or not I will be returning to the Fort Wayne Children's Zoo next summer, because only after I was able to get time away from my job did I feel like I could refocus myself again. In this time, I've become convicted that I'm so tired of living lukewarm for God. This year, I am determined to live passionately and wholeheartedly for Him. I don't feel like I did that last year, so that's another thing that's definitely going to change.

So, in conclusion, here's my to-do list this year:

1. Fall in deep, passionate love with God
2. Step outside my shell
3. Push myself academically
4. Take life as it comes

Here's to another year, even better than the last :)

Of revelations and reality checks.

I realize I've failed miserably at posting regularly here...I believe it's been about two months since my last entry. My life has simply been uneventful since I left IWU for the summer. I can actually sum it up in one word: work. I really doubt anyone would find that interesting. However, I feel inspired to share what God has been teaching me in the past few weeks, so here I am.

I had a lot of expectations for this summer. My biggest one was to come out of it with a boyfriend. As often happens, however, God seems to have a different plan, because unless something drastically changes, it looks as though I will be heading back to school in September in the same unattached state. It's a long story to go into, but the gist of it is that I took a chance on a guy who has let me down many times in the past. I let myself believe that he had changed for the better, but he proved me wrong. Thus, here I sit, single and disappointed.

We had an enlightening conversation the other night that successfully crushed every idea I had about his depth of feeling for me and his motives for our relationship. I've been stewing about it for the past two days, trying desperately to move past the anger and disappointment I feel toward him for, once again, disillusioning me and leaving me heartbroken. It's not happening yet, but with time and help from God and my extremely loyal friends, I am getting by little by little.

As I was letting my mind wander at work today, a scene from the movie "The Holiday" popped into my head. If you don't know the premise of the movie, two women, one from England and one from Los Angeles, switch houses for two weeks over Christmas, desperate to escape the men (or lack of men) in their lives. This particular scene occurs at the end of the movie, when Iris, the Englishwoman, receives a surprise visit from her boss, a recently engaged man that she has been in love with for years but fails to reciprocate her feelings. However, in this scene, he comes to Los Angeles to try to regain her affection:


Jasper: You know what I was thinking? When you get back to London, maybe we could sneak off somewhere together. Maybe Venice. You and me in Venice could be good.

Iris: Do you mean that? I mean, are you free to do that?

Jasper: Darling, I've just traveled halfway across the world to see you, haven't I?

Iris: [Iris & Jasper almost kiss before Iris pulls away] Yeah, that doesn't exactly answer my question. So, are you not with Sarah anymore? I mean, is that what you've come here to tell me?

Jasper: I wish you could just accept knowing how confused I am about all this.

Iris: Okay, let me translate that. So, you are still engaged to be married?

Jasper: Yes, but, I mean...

Iris: Oh, my God. This was a really close call. You know, I never really though I'd say this, literally never, but I think you were absolutely right about us. Very square peg, very round hole.

Jasper: You cannot mean that.

Iris: The great thing is I actually do. And I'm about three years late in telling you this, but nevertheless I need to say it. Jasper. Wait, I need the lights on. Jasper, you have never treated me right. Ever.

Jasper: Oh, babe.

Iris: Shush. You broke my heart. And you acted like somehow it was my fault, my misunderstanding, and I was too in love with you to ever be mad at you, so I just punished myself! For years! But you waltzing in here on my lovely Christmas holiday, and telling me that you don't want to lose me whilst you're about to get MARRIED, somehow newly entitles me to say, it's over. This - This twisted, toxic THING between us, is finally finished! I'm miraculously done being in love with you! Ha! I've got a life to start living. And you're not going to be in it.

I am thoroughly impressed with Iris in this scene. I imagine that this is one of the most difficult things she has ever done. The man she has been in love with for years is offering her the world, everything she has ever desired from him, and yet she has the strength to stand up and say that enough is enough. "This twisted, toxic thing between us is finally finished!" she exclaims. She finally sees the lies and manipulation hidden beneath the lofty promises, and successfully removes the poison from her life, finally allowing herself to live on her own terms.

I find that, as of late, Iris and I are cut from the same cloth. I have been in love with the aforementioned guy for quite a while. Whenever he needs me, I am at his beck and call. For the past six months (maybe even longer) I have built my entire life around him and his happiness, because I allowed myself to hope that if I stood by him relentlessly for long enough, he would see how much I loved him and love me back just as fiercely. For a while, it seemed that I was going to get my wish. My formerly bad boy would turn into my prince charming, and we would live happily ever after with a fantastic story to tell our children someday about how love conquers all obstacles. Unfortunately, life is not a romantic comedy. God had other plans, and it seems they do not include this particular boy. Not at the moment, anyway. And I find myself perfectly content with my singleness for the first time in a very long time. This twisted, toxic thing between us is finally finished. As difficult as it is, I find I must detach myself from it before it drags me down further.

The lesson here is this: every woman desires to be desired. God made us that way. We are a reflection of Him: We desire to be desired by men just as God desires to be desired by us. In our quest to be loved, however, we cannot lower our standards. Every woman deserves a man who will cherish her as much as her Heavenly Father cherishes her. He made us with the greatest precision...He knows the number of hairs on our head. He has planned something special for each of His daughters, and if we settle for less, we will never experience His best. Bad boys may be exciting and unpredictable, but life is not a movie. Not every bad boy turns out to be good in the end. Each of us must decide what is best for our hearts before giving them away to someone who does not deserve them. "The King is enthralled by your beauty; honor Him, for He is your Lord" (Psalm 45:11).

Rest in God's peace today, and trust that you are all beautiful and precious in God's sight.

in His unending love,
Liz

My heart is open.

As my first year of college comes to a close, I have come to realize how drastically different I am from the girl who first drove onto the Indiana Wesleyan campus eight months ago.

The year has passed quickly--too quickly in some ways. While I am glad to be going home to my friends and glad for the much needed reprieve from schoolwork, I am going to miss my newfound independence and all the connections I've made here since September. It seems that just as I am finally feeling completely adjusted, it's time to return home to Fort Wayne, my summer job, and Casa Curry, where my parents, not I, have the final say in my choices.

As I think back to my senior year of high school, I remember how anxious I was to leave Fort Wayne. I could not wait to come here, because I was sure that college would be different for me than high school. "People will know me in college," I told myself. "I won't be the shy girl who never talks. No one knows my history here...I can be someone completely different if I want to be. And I want to be." Turns out, making that change was easier said than done.

I came here confident in a bright future ahead of me, confident that the quiet girl from Fort Wayne would be no more. It didn't take me long, however, to find out that no matter how hard I tried, making that big of a change was not easy for me. I found I couldn't warm up and form the close relationships I wanted to form as easily as others I was meeting, and that frustrated me. While I made some friends, I found that in some ways trying so hard to be different from the person I was had the opposite effect--I began to shut down instead of opening up. As a result, I went through a desert period...I spent a lot of time in my room, on my computer, choosing not to interact with much of anyone. I made friends; however, as I saw it, I wasn't making enough of them, and I wasn't sure how to fix it. As badly as I had wanted to leave Fort Wayne, I found myself wishing for home and its familiarity. As badly as I had wanted to be somewhere where no one knew me, I was suddenly wishing to be in a place where I was known. I had to rely on God in my loneliness like never before, but He pulled me through and made me stronger.

After a while, I figured out the solution to my problem. I needed to learn to be happy with who I was, instead of trying so hard to change. I soon realized that when I started just being ME, people didn't dislike me. On the contrary, the friends I have made seem to have no problem with the fact that there are some times when I just choose not to talk. I'm not as outgoing as some of the friends I've made here, and I've learned to be okay with that. God didn't make me loud and crazy. He made me quiet. He made me a thinker. He made me a listener. and He's shown me how to be a good friend to everyone who needs one. People have to work harder to get to know me, but once they start trying, they usually like what they find. At least, I think so. I've never really had anyone show me otherwise :)

Fast forward to the present. I have friends....friends I hope to keep for the rest of my life. I have a social life. I have confidence in myself.

so, in short, here's what I've found in my first year here at IWU:
1. I've found amazing friends.
2. I've found a stronger faith in God.
3. I've found independence.
4. I've found a confidence I didn't realize I had.
and last but not least...
5. I've found ME.

And while I haven't found my future husband or a cure for procrastination, I'd say that's a pretty good start :)

In His Love,
Liz

Facebook haterade.

When I logged onto facebook today, I noticed a new link posted from a group I joined, called "protect marriage: one man, one woman." Now, when I got the invitation for this group, I was like, "okay, this lines up with my beliefs. Why not, I'll join." When I saw the caption of the link that had been posted, however, my stomach twisted a little and I began to regret joining this particular group. Essentially, the link was a news story about a homosexual immigrant man who tricked a heterosexual woman into marrying him so that he could get a green card. The caption above the link, posted by the creator of the group, read as follows:

"Here's an example of the point of view gay people have of marriage. For them, it's a means to an end. For this gay man, marriage was the means to a green card. For the rest of the homosexuals, since it's all they whine about, marriage is merely the means for them to get government benefits. Can you see how marriage is just a 'tool' for them?"

There were some brave souls who commented and called the leader of this group out, but others agreed wholeheartedly. I don't know how this comes off to all of you, but it came off to me as an attack, judgmental and hateful, and it made me sick. I certainly don't agree with gay marriage, but I also believe that we are all sinners, whether homosexual or heterosexual, and Christ died for sinners. We are called to LOVE them, because Christ loved them enough to die for them, just as He did for us. The bible says that to the measure which we judge others on earth, that is the same measure God will judge us in heaven. I admit, I struggle with this just as much as the next person. But I say that we stop spewing self-righteous hypocrisy and start LOVING others as God calls us to love...by loving EVERYONE.

I'm all for freedom of speech, but tell me, whatever happened to common human decency?

Looking beyond the mirror.

As I strip off my clothes at the end of the day to prepare for an evening of comfort and "homework" (a.k.a. a few aimless hours of shameless facebook stalking) I study myself in the mirror. As I do, I see an average looking face that has never seemed to capture much attention. I see a stomach that would benefit from a hardcore ab workout. I see thighs that, without the restricting power of my blue jeans, could use some serious toning. I see all of this as I look at myself through my human eyes, and I frown in disappointment. "If you could only be prettier," I think to myself.

Then, in the stillness, I hear a whisper.

"Look beyond the mirror, my daughter."

Heeding the whisper, I begin to consider myself from a new perspective, beyond what the image in the mirror tells me. Instead of seeing something average, I see something extraordinary.

I see a heart that longs to love with reckless abandon, and be loved in the same way. I see a quiet, joyful spirit that loves a good laugh and good friends more than anything, and would go to any length just to brighten someone's day. I see a deep, lasting joy that cannot be quenched by negative thoughts or worldly troubles. I see a girl who has been matured and strengthened by the trials that have come her way. I see a heart washed clean by the blood of a Savior. I see myself as God's beautiful, beloved daughter, created for His glory.

As I consider my identity beyond the mirror, I find myself beginning to see the image in the mirror a different way. I find that, all things considered, it is nothing to be ashamed of. Rather, what I see is not such a bad thing after all. In fact, while it is not a model-esque image, it is beautiful in its own way--because I realize in that moment that it is not an image that can be found anywhere else in the entire world. It is mine alone, and that is a thought to be treasured.

We had a presentation in my social problems class this morning about eating disorders, and the group revealed that girls as young as six years old in society today are struggling with anorexia and bulimia. Six years old. Most girls start considering their physical image between ages 9 and 11. It starts young, friends. Too young. No six year old girl should have to spend time feeling so insecure about her image that she destroys her own body. No girl PERIOD should have to.

Every girl remembers the days of Barbie. She was the young girl's standard of perfection. Consider this, though. An interesting study was done about what Barbie's real life proportions would be, and they are terribly unrealistic. Real life Barbie would be six feet tall, weigh 100 pounds, and wear a size four. She would have a 39 inch bust size (think 39 FF bra size), a 19 inch waist, and 33 inch hips. Basically, she would lack the ability to walk from being so top heavy, and she'd probably require numerous back surgeries.

God made each of us different and beautiful in our own way, and I think it's time the world stopped selling beauty in one-size-fits-all package. We weren't all made to be models. Our bodies are temples, and God desires us to show them respect, no matter how they look to us.

Ladies, don't let anyone tell you that you aren't beautiful, because you have a heavenly Father who would soundly disagree.

1 Samuel 16:7--"...For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart."

In love,

Liz

Do you know Him?

"Christianity means nothing to them unless it means everything to us."

The name of the pastor who is the author of this statement escapes me, but when it was quoted during the sermon at church tonight, it really stuck with me. It got me thinking about how strongly I live out my faith each day, and how big a part it plays in my daily life. How often do I express the importance of Christ in my life to those around me? Sometimes, I fear, not often enough.

According to statistics, 70% of Americans call themselves Christians, but only 40% can be found in church on any given Sunday. Of that 40% of regular church attenders, I wonder what percentage actually has an intimate relationship with Jesus Christ? Ask any person on the street who they believe Jesus was, and chances are, they would tell you that they've heard of Jesus. Most might even believe that he existed, and others might tell you that he was a good man or a prophet. But how many would answer that He was their Lord, Savior, and Friend, a crucial presence in their daily existence?

It is possible to know Jesus without really knowing Him. Matthew 7:21-23 says "Not everyone who says to me, 'Lord, Lord' will enter the kingdom of Heaven, but only he who does the will of my father who is in heaven. Many will say to me on that day, 'Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and in your name drive out demons and perform many miracles?' Then I will tell them plainly, 'I never knew you. Away from me, evildoers!" Knowing Jesus and having a relationship with Him requires much more than believing He existed, and it even requires more than doing good deeds in His name. We are called to "be ready to give an answer for the hope that we have." Having a personal, intimate relationship with Jesus requires an intimate knowledge of who He is, and the ability to reinforce those beliefs with scripture. If it is not evident in our daily interactions with others that we know Jesus on a deep, personal level, we can have no hope of being a light to those who do not.

I don't claim to have it all figured out. I have to work at my faith every day, sometimes harder than should be necessary after six years of calling myself a Christian. I've made mistakes, learned from them, and been changed along the way. I'm nowhere near perfect, and I never will be. But thankfully, I serve a God who is.

My Jesus is my savior.

My Jesus is my deliverer.

My Jesus is my friend.

My Jesus is my rock.

My Jesus is beautiful.

My Jesus is the healer of the afflicted.

My Jesus is eternal.

My Jesus is the Lord of my life.

My Jesus is the King of Kings.

My Jesus is the Son of God.

My Jesus is love beyond compare.

That's my Jesus. Do you know Him?

spring break!

after a week of crazy cramming and late nights, the students of IWU finally have a moment to breathe. A whole week of moments.

A whole week of home.

Of relaxation.

Of reunions.

Of reenergizing.

No schedules, no professors, no textbooks. (well, not for a few days, anyway. I brought home a bagload.)

Ahh, lovely.

Enjoy it, everyone :)

God, give me strength.

Have you ever spent a night waiting for a phone call that never seems to come? That's me tonight. As such, I'm not in a great mood for writing, but I need to calm myself somehow, and this usually seems to do it. I won't be writing anything of huge importance, but in my time at the prayer chapel last night, I was reading through 2 Corinthians, and I decided to share a few verses that stuck out to me.

So here they are, no explanations, no embellishments. Just God's word speaking for itself. Enjoy.

"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. For as we share abundantly in Christ's sufferings, so through Christ we share abundantly in comfort too."
--->1:3-5

"For we do not want you to be ignorant, brothers, of the afflicton we experienced in Asia. For we were so utterly burdened beyond our strength that we despaired of life itself. Indeed, we felt that we had received the sentence of death. But that was to make us rely not on ourselves but on God who raifses the dead. He delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us. On him we have set our hope that he will deliver us again."
--->1:8-10

"Was I vacillating when I wanted to do this? Do i make my plans according to the flesh, ready to say 'yes, yes' and 'no, no' at the same time? As surely as God is faithful, our word to you has not been Yes and No. For the son of God, Jesus Christ, whom we proclaimed among you, Silvanus, Timothy and I, was not Yes and No, but in him it is always Yes. For all the promises of God find their Yes in him. That is why it is through him that we utter our Amen to God for his glory. And it is God who establishes us with you in Christ, and has anointed us, and who has put his seal on us and given us his Spirit in our hearts as a guarantee."
--->1:17-21

"But thanks be to God, who in Christ always leads us in triumphal procession and through us spreads the fragrance of the knowledge of him everywhere. For we are the aroma of Christ to God among those who are being saved and among those who are perishing, to one a fragrance from death to death, to the other a fragrance from life to life. Who is sufficient for these things? For we are not, like so many, peddlers of God's word, but as men of sincerity, as commissioned by God in the sight of God as we speak in Christ."
--->2:14-17

"Therefore, having this ministry by the mercy of God, we do not lose heart. But we have renounced disgraceful, underhanded ways. We refuse to practice cunning or to tamper with God's word, but by the open statement of the truth we would commend ourselves to everyone's conscience in the sight of God. And even if our gospel is veiled, it is veiled only to those who are perishing. In their case the god of this world has blinded the minds of the unbelievers, to keep them from seeing the light of the gospel of the glory of Christ, who is the image of God. For what we proclaim is not ourselves, but Jesus Christ as Lord, with ourselves as your servants for Jesus' sake. For God, who said, 'Let light shine out of darkness,' has shone in our hearts to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ."
--->4:1-6

"But we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us. We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forgotten; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying in the body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our bodies.For we who are live are always being given over to death for Jesus' sake, so that the life of jesus also may be manifested in our mortal flesh."
--->4:7-11

"So we do not lose heart. Though our outer nature is wasting away, our inner nature is being renewed day by day. For this slight momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal."
--->4:16-18

"For we know that if the tent, which is our earthly home, is destroyed, we have a building from God, a house not made with hands, eternal in the heavens. For in this tent we groan, longingto put on our heavenly dwelling, if indeed by putting it on we may not be found naked. For while we are still in this tent, we groan, being burdened--not that we would be unclothed, but that we would be further clothed, so that what is mortal may be swallowed up by life. He who has prepared us fo this very thing is God, who has given us the spirit as a guarantee. So we are always of good courage. We know that while we are at home in the body we are away from the Lord, for we walk by faith, not by sight. Yes, we are of good courage, and we would rather be away from the body and at home with the Lord. So whether we are at home or away, we must make it our aim to please him. For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, so that each one may receive what is due for what he has done in the body, whether good or evil."
--->5:1-10

"From now on, therefore, we regard no one according to the flesh. Even though we once regarded Christ according to the flesh, we regard him thus no longer. Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come. All this is from God, who through Christ reconciled us to himself and gave us the ministry of our reconciliation; that is, in Christ God was reconciling the world to himself, not counting the tresspasses against us, and entrusting to us the message of reconciliation."
--->5:16-19

"Since we have these promises, beloved, let us cleanse ourselves from every defilement of body and spirit, bringing holiness to completion in the fear of God."
--->7:1

"But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong."
--->12:9-10

I am not.

I'm beginning to enjoy making this a part of my daily routine. I forgot how freeing it is to just sit quietly and write, even if no one reads it :)

My mood improved drastically after my "apathetic" post yesterday. I got out of bed, finished watching a movie on Youtube that I had started the night before (a recent, and very good, adaptation of Jane Austen's "Emma" that I had never seen), worked out for half an hour, spent some quality Jesus time in the prayer chapel, and spent the rest of the evening out with my roommate and a couple new friends I had never really talked to before. So, while my reading didn't get done for this morning, I enjoyed my day immensely :)

I spent my time in the prayer chapel reading through the last half of Job, and as I did, God began to impress something very important on my heart: I am not, nor will I ever be, God, and it is time that I stopped pretending otherwise.

Some of you may know the situation that's been causing such a struggle in my life lately. I may have even mentioned it in my first post, I can't remember. Anyway, because of that, I've been having serious trust issues in the past few months to the point that I'm not even sure how to pray about it anymore since what I want and what God might want are not exactly lining up. I feel selfish praying for what I want to happen, and I WANT to pray for God's will to be carried out, but I am afraid that if I do that I won't like the result. I fear that if MY will isn't done, I will have a difficult time believing that it will someday work out for His good.

As I read through the story of Job, certain verses stuck out to me:

"But He is unchangeable, and who can turn Him back? What He desires, that He does." (23:13)

"Behold, these are but the outskirts of His ways, and how small a whisper do we hear of Him? But the thunder of His power who can understand?" (26:14)

I was also drawn to chapters 38-41, in which the Lord answers Job. His answers come in the form of rhetorical questions:

"where were you when I...?"
"Can you...?"
"Do you know...?"
"Is it by your command that...?"
"Who has...?"

and so on.

Essentially, God is asking Job, "Are you God? Do you know more than I do?" And as I was reading that, I felt God asking me the same thing. I was forced to answer, "I am not." I think this is something we need to remind ourselves daily, especially in times of great trial.

We are not God. We never have been and we never will be. But we serve a God knows infinitely more than we do and is infinitely bigger and more faithful and loving than we can comprehend. "He looks to the ends of the earth and sees everything under the Heavens" (28:24). Even when God does not give us the things we think we need, and when we feel like the world may come crashing down around us at any moment, He will still be there to hold us up.

"But He knows the way that I take; when He has tried me, I shall come out as gold...for He will complete what He appoints for me, and many such things are in His mind." (23:10, 14)

One life.

Porridge and water.

That's the first meal I had access to at dinnertime today, along with 20 million children in Africa who have been left orphaned by AIDS.

The difference between them and me is that right afterward, I got to pile in a car with a few friends and my debit card and squash my hunger with a juicy Wendy's cheeseburger and french fries. Those kids aren't that lucky.

Ironically, my roommate and I were absolutely starving when we went to "poverty meal" and all we could think of was how hungry we were and how desperately we wished we could get something to eat beforehand so we didn't have to eat what they would be serving.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S_2GAEzJL6I<---- then, as we were eating our 'meal,' they showed this video. Take a minute and check it out.

Suddenly, I felt so guilty for complaining so much about my hunger when I knew full well that as soon as I got out of there I would have a multitude of food options waiting for me. For those 20 million orphans, that simple meal that we so wanted to avoid is all they have to sustain them for an entire day. In a world where there's a McDonalds around every corner and the majority of our population struggles with obesity, I doubt any of us could comprehend that. I wonder if anyone in America could survive a week living like they do.

drink in these statistics:

Many African women walk six miles every day for water. Average North Americans walk six miles every month.

North American teens spend an average of $101 per week. $101 will send two african children to school for a year.

Every day, Americans spend 1 billion dollars dining out. Every night, 799 million people go to sleep hungry.

Average life expectancy in North America: 77; in Zambia: 35.

In some countries, 1 out of every four people is infected with AIDS.

Eye-opening, isn't it? I don't know about you, but facts like that make me desperately want to go out and do something. There are kids under 10 in Africa being denied a childhood because they are forced to raise themselves. Imagine what they would do for just a small piece of what we have available to us every single day. The thing is, we have the ability to give it to them. It's just a matter of shifting the focus off of our own lives for a minute and thinking globally. We get so caught up in all the unnecessary trappings of life--the newest fashions, the fanciest cars, the latest technologies--while there are countries around the world who lack the most basic necessities. Something about that doesn't make sense to me.

I've noticed lately how quick we have been to rally around Haiti and make sure they have the funds to rebuild their destroyed country, and I applaud America for that, but Haiti is not the only country out there that needs what we have to offer. America has the power and resources to make a huge difference in the world. I firmly believe that.

So tell me, when are we going to make it happen?

One is the loneliest number.

Lately, I have become increasingly aware of an overpowering apathy that has taken root in multiple areas of my life, and simply refuses to be moved. I realized this last night when I spent the entire evening alone in my room watching movies on my computer, instead of out experiencing the life that beautiful IWU offers.

First, I have become socially apathetic. I realized that lately, this is where life happens for me when I'm not in class...alone, in my room, on my computer instead of spending time forming new relationships. Don't get me wrong, being the introvert that I am, I need my time alone to reenergize and collect my thoughts. But lately, it feels like i've been having too much of it, and when I'm here, at the place I looked forward to for a year in advance, it doesn't feel normal to me. I don't feel like I'm making as much of my first year as I should be.

Not only have I become socially apathetic, but I've also found myself becoming spiritually apathetic. I go to chapel three times a week as is required, and I go to church most sundays, but that's about as far as it goes. I rarely make time during the week to just BE with God, even though we have a beautiful little prayer chapel on campus for that exact purpose. I always tell myself I will, but something else always ends up being more important. Last semester, I used to go to ALTAR, a student-led college worship service at a local church, nearly every Saturday night. This semester, however, I've been finding excuse after excuse not to go, and I'm not sure why. Most Sundays, I do get up and go to church, but some days, like today, for instance, I decide to sleep in instead.

And last, but not least, I have become academically apathetic. I'm sure there's a lot of students here, and everywhere, who could claim this one, but it's still a big problem. I switched from journalism to social work and psychology this semester, and while I absolutely love it and feel a passion for it, I feel no motivation to keep up with the reading or study for tests. I've been doing okay and keeping my head above water, but I know that I can do better. Four out of my five classes this semester can be related back to my majors. This is what I want to do with the rest of my life. Yet I can find no motivation to increase my knowledge. Maybe it's because spring break is quickly approaching, or maybe it's just me. It's a problem either way.

I don't mind being alone. I never have. But when it feels like I'm retreating into myself 90% of the time, I realize that this is not who I wanted to be in college. In high school, I was always the quiet one. Always. I resolved when I came here that I wanted to be known and that I wanted to make the most of the opportunities that came my way. I resolved that I wanted to grow in my relationship with God. I resolved that I wanted to excel in the classes that would help me in my future career, whatever that might be. Right now, it feels like none of that is happening, and right now, I'm resolving to make an honest effort to improve. I only have four years here (God willing) and so help me, I am going to make them count.

She loved.

A few people have expressed interest in seeing my writing, so since I haven't written in a while, I decided to give this a try. I can't promise daily updates, but I will do my best.

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someone once asked if only you knew
how short life would be, what would you do?
what would they say when God called you home?
what would they engrave once you were gone?

I hope they would see what I've done in my life,
Who I've cared for, and how I survived
I hope they'd say

She loved more than anything else
She loved with all of her heart
She loved everyone she believed in
She loved, oh, she loved

She loved the Lord and served all her life
A sacrificial mother and an honorable wife
She gave all she had, and through every trial
Made life much sweeter because of her smile

Everyone will see what she's done in her life
Who she cared for, and how she survived
And I'm sure they'll say

She loved more than anything else
She loved with all of her heart
She loved everyone she believed in
She loved, oh, she loved

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I heard this beautiful song in church last sunday during the Offering, and the lyrics really resonated with me. If you haven't listened to it, please do, especially you ladies. I can't speak for anyone else, but if I'm not remembered for anything else after I leave this world, I want to be remembered for exactly this--how much I loved. The way I see it, there is no better and no more permanant legacy to leave here after we're gone.

A conversation I had with a friend last night really opened my eyes. She asked me, "Liz, you always say that I can talk to you, but you never ask for anything in return. Why is that?" I wasn't sure how to reply at first. Maybe it's just my nature, but rarey, if ever, has it occurred to me to help someone in a time of discouragement for what I might get in return. It got me thinking, is that really what our world has come to today? It's not enough anymore to simply want to help a person out of love; instead, there has to be something in it for us? I'm pretty sure that that's not the kind of love Christ intended, and it's certainly not the kind of love I choose to show.

In the past semester, God has been showing me the life changing power of the smallest acts of love. I have a very close friend in jail, and he's been on the wrong path for just about as long as I can remember. However, he has recently accepted Christ and he tells me that it's all because I took the time to visit him when he thought he had no one left for him. What I thought was a simple act of kindness turned out to be what turned his entire life around. I had never had an experience like that in my life before, and it really lit a fire in me to affect others in the same way. I'm not an extrovert. I never have been. Going up to someone and verbally sharing Jesus' message has never been my strength. But God is showing me that there are other ways to speak His truth, and they don't all require words.

All this to say, don't underestimate love. God created it, and he created it to be powerful and life-altering. What may mean nothing to you could mean the world to someone else. It's time we stopped being self-centered and started being people-centered. What do you want to be remembered for when you're gone?