As my first year of college comes to a close, I have come to realize how drastically different I am from the girl who first drove onto the Indiana Wesleyan campus eight months ago.
The year has passed quickly--too quickly in some ways. While I am glad to be going home to my friends and glad for the much needed reprieve from schoolwork, I am going to miss my newfound independence and all the connections I've made here since September. It seems that just as I am finally feeling completely adjusted, it's time to return home to Fort Wayne, my summer job, and Casa Curry, where my parents, not I, have the final say in my choices.
As I think back to my senior year of high school, I remember how anxious I was to leave Fort Wayne. I could not wait to come here, because I was sure that college would be different for me than high school. "People will know me in college," I told myself. "I won't be the shy girl who never talks. No one knows my history here...I can be someone completely different if I want to be. And I want to be." Turns out, making that change was easier said than done.
I came here confident in a bright future ahead of me, confident that the quiet girl from Fort Wayne would be no more. It didn't take me long, however, to find out that no matter how hard I tried, making that big of a change was not easy for me. I found I couldn't warm up and form the close relationships I wanted to form as easily as others I was meeting, and that frustrated me. While I made some friends, I found that in some ways trying so hard to be different from the person I was had the opposite effect--I began to shut down instead of opening up. As a result, I went through a desert period...I spent a lot of time in my room, on my computer, choosing not to interact with much of anyone. I made friends; however, as I saw it, I wasn't making enough of them, and I wasn't sure how to fix it. As badly as I had wanted to leave Fort Wayne, I found myself wishing for home and its familiarity. As badly as I had wanted to be somewhere where no one knew me, I was suddenly wishing to be in a place where I was known. I had to rely on God in my loneliness like never before, but He pulled me through and made me stronger.
After a while, I figured out the solution to my problem. I needed to learn to be happy with who I was, instead of trying so hard to change. I soon realized that when I started just being ME, people didn't dislike me. On the contrary, the friends I have made seem to have no problem with the fact that there are some times when I just choose not to talk. I'm not as outgoing as some of the friends I've made here, and I've learned to be okay with that. God didn't make me loud and crazy. He made me quiet. He made me a thinker. He made me a listener. and He's shown me how to be a good friend to everyone who needs one. People have to work harder to get to know me, but once they start trying, they usually like what they find. At least, I think so. I've never really had anyone show me otherwise :)
Fast forward to the present. I have friends....friends I hope to keep for the rest of my life. I have a social life. I have confidence in myself.
so, in short, here's what I've found in my first year here at IWU:
1. I've found amazing friends.
2. I've found a stronger faith in God.
3. I've found independence.
4. I've found a confidence I didn't realize I had.
and last but not least...
5. I've found ME.
And while I haven't found my future husband or a cure for procrastination, I'd say that's a pretty good start :)
In His Love,
Liz
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